That's How We Roll

Yeah, so here’s the thing. Mom goes into furniture rearranging mode, which includes my shit. She has failed to inform me that she putting the shelf between my paint table and the kitchen in her room. What's she replacing it with? That stupid TV stand I hate. I always hurt myself around it. But she refuses to gt rid of it. Well, instead of asking me to remove my boxes from the unit, she starts going through them. She see no problem with this at all. But I do. It’s about propriety. She understands this concept, believe me. But only as it applies to her. She likes to have things a certain way in her own space. As do I. Well anyway, an argument erupts. I tell her I don’t like her going through my shit. She has a tendency to throw things away that she doesn’t see the significance of. She says that's why she put all our shit in storage before we left SC.

"And see," she says, showing me a box. "I'm not throwing anything away." I tell her, "No, you just put it up where I can't reach it because you think I won't need it."

So she’s going through everything and I’m bitching at her for it. So eventually she tells me to shut the fuck up. And now my bro steps in with his 2 cents. I tell him to stay out of it. That it’s between her and I. Mom says it involves him because he has to listen to it. If things were switched and I had insinuated myself into their disagreement she would have told me what I told him. Because that’s how we roll around here. My siblings have valid points and their mouths aren’t big and I should stfu. Same shit. Mom doesn't listen. She just needs to be right and get the last word in. It's incredibly frustrating.

Now, let me clarify something for you, ok? There wasn’t anything that was that important in those boxes. It was what she was doing. She could have very easily cracked my bedroom door and explained what she wanted done. I would have moved it myself. But no, she’s Miss "I can do it faster and avoid conflict." But after 35 yrs she should know that doesn’t work. So my bro starts slinging comments. Saying it was her day off. Implying that we always fight on her day off. But more to his exceptionally freakin valid point, I always instigate things. Which btw, is unfair and untrue. Then I say something about how I’m pretty much expected to mind my own damn business but neither of them have to. And he insinuates that I’m so good at that. That wasn’t fair either. So I banished myself to my room. Which is freezing. I got pissed off because it feels like my bros problems are all that matters. Last night, I informed the entire house that I was going to clean the kitchen. The fact that it was 2 am was of little importance because everyone was still awake. Well my bro doesn’t usually retire till day break. At 2:30 he shuts his light off. I still felt like cleaning the kitchen. So at 3, I start the water for the dishes. This sets him off and thus so, mom. I care about the noise, I do. But he doesn’t care when mom and I are sleeping. If he’s awake, he’s going to be as loud and obnoxious as possible, no matter the hour. On several occasions of late, he has kept mom up despite the fact that she had to get up at the crack ass of dawn to go to work. He can be quiet. But it’s not because anyone’s sleeping. It’s because that’s what he chooses to do. His crack about my mouth was misplaced and taken out of context. I don’t comment on what he does unless I’m genuinely concerned. So this morning I went off about his Highness’s royal sleep schedule. I have often eaten cold food to avoid running the microwave out of consideration for his quirks. I don’t say a damn thing to him when he’s talking loudly on the phone to his gf at 4 am, either at his desk, or just for freakin fun, outside my bedroom window. You know he freakin complains about me listening in. But he makes it impossible not to! Damn it. So eventually mom puts a stop to his onslaught. Then she informs me she won’t set up the monster/laptop until I’m gone. And why haven’t I left the house anyway? Hello? It’s cold. Besides, wtf am I supposed to do? Set up my easel on a crossway on Broadway? I can’t win here, people. She yells at me for not painting. So obediently, I paint. Then I get yelled at for following instructions. WTF? If I’m working and the flow is there, it’s at a frenetic, breakneck pace. That’s just how it is. So what do I do between sessions? That’s right. Say it with me now. Sleeeeeeeep. The work schedules my hours. Not the other way around. So now, here’s what’s what’s gonna happen. I’m going out at daybreak. I’ll freeze my cankles off and she can shove it. I have yrs of practiced sleep deprivation awake fog on my damn side. And D-over the yrs, doctors have failed to diagnose any sleep related problems. I didn’t say anything though. Just figured that thems the breaks. I’m quite certain now that it’s related to my cp. I’ve heard of others with it encountering similar issues. And if it shortens my life span, so be it. I’m not in control of how much time I have either way. So no lectures or reprimands. Thanks.